Condoms
A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store. The next day he comes in again, again buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back. Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later. “So did you follow him?” asks the pharmacist. “Yup.” “Where did he go?” “Your house.”
Relief
A man was suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he was referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The specialist asked him what his symptoms were and he replied, “I get these blinding headaches kind of like a knife across my scalp and….” He was interrupted. “And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear?” “Yes! Exactly! How did you know?” “Well I am the world’s greatest headache specialist, but I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes.” Two weeks went by and the man came back. “Well, how do you feel?” the doctor asked. “Doc, I’m a new man! I feel great! I haven’t had a headache since I started this treatment! I can’t thank you enough. And, by the way….nice house!”
By: Asshole Fever
October 2, 2011 – 6:17 pm
Condoms A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store. The next day he comes in again, again buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to [...]
The state-of-the-art watch
A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, ‘Is your date running late?’ ‘No’, he replies, ‘I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it.’ The intrigued woman says, ‘A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?’ ‘It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me,’ he explains. ‘What’s it telling you now?’ ‘Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties…’ The woman giggles and replies, ‘Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!’ The man explains, ‘Damn thing must be an hour fast.’
In front of God
Three men died and stood in front of God. God asked the first if he had been faithful to his wife. He admitted to two affairs during his marriage. God gave him a compact car to drive in heaven. The second man admitted to only one affair and was given a midsize car. The third man was asked the same question and said that he had been faithful to his wife until the day he died. God praised him and gave him a big luxury car. A week later the three guys met in a parking lot. The man driving the luxury car began to cry. “What’s the matter?” “I just passed my wife, and she was riding a bike!”
Tooth
Laura fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate rendezvous in the dental clinic after hours. But one day he said sadly, “Laura, honey, we have to stop seeing each other. Your husband’s bound to get suspicious.” “No way, sweetie, he’s dumb as a post,” she assured him. “Besides, we’ve been meeting here for six months now and he doesn’t suspect a thing.” “True,” agreed the dentist, “but you’re down to one tooth!”
Rigor mortis
Right in the middle of lovemaking, the husband dies of a heart attack. As the funeral arrangements are being made, the mortician informs the widow that he cannot get rid of her dead husband’s rigor mortis hard-on which is sticking straight up in the air and if they don’t do something, it will look odd in the coffin at the funeral. The widow tells the guy to cut it off and stick it up her dear departed’s behind. The mortician can’t believe his ears but the widow is adamant, so he does it. During the funeral, friends and relatives of the dead man were concerned to see a tear in the corner of his eye, but the widow assured them that there was no cause to be alarmed. Just before the casket is closed, the widow leans in and whispers in the dead man’s ear, “It HURTS, doesn’t it?”
The code
A husband and wife decided they needed to use “code” to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter. One day the husband told his five year old daughter, “Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter”. The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, “Tell your daddy that he can’t type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter.” The child went back to tell her father what mommy said. A few days later the mom told the daughter, “Tell daddy that he can type that letter now.” The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, “Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand.”
By: AssHole Fever
October 1, 2011 – 5:39 am
The state-of-the-art watch A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, ‘Is your date running late?’ ‘No’, he replies, ‘I just bought this state-of-the-art [...]
